Are you eating thinking right ?

A colleague and I were recently discussing about using this chart with our clients during counselling(for more info and decoding the platter click here → Mind platter).And I was telling myself maybe I should start with checking off how many portions I was consuming before I suggested someone else should do it. So this is how it went

1. Sleep time - A big ✓ (do I even need to explain that ? - I think not)
2. Focus time - ✓( I can do hours and hours of reading or learning or concentrate - I actually get a 'high' when I do these - so I'm thinking I'm getting extra points here :) )
3. Time in - ✓(being trained in Mental health,that's what I do for a living - dealing with emotions and feelings - so its like a home run)
4. Play time - ✓ (if that playing includes all that which we play on gadgets or with our kids -I'm in the game still)
5. Down time - ✓(this happens to me like a fish takes to water - I can find countless things not to do and to just laze and think about - like the Arctic expedition or the Kenyan safari  I might go or the holidays I might take some day in the Bahamas or Down Under(hope hubby reads this list accidentally :)I can just go on with that list with very little prompting)
6. Connecting time  - ✓(oh yes - I'm totally connected to my family,friends,phone, books, nature)
7. Physical time -???????????????????

That last one on the list right there is a slippery slope for me because the explanation given was something like 

"When we move our bodies, aerobically if possible, which strengthens the brain in many ways"...

Hmm....I'm wondering does it include 

• all the acrobatic ways I try to reach for the jar on the top shelf in the closet or 
• the countless number of times I go up and down the stairs in the house to retrieve stuff from each floor? or
• how I contort my body trying to balance a few books,whilst trying to push my 2.5 year old son in the stroller & maneuvering my way through the maze like pathways in the library & still managing to open the door ? or
• the number of times I've tried to run like the wind to catch the bus before it left the stop or
• run behind my kids just stopping them from dropping that precious vase from the past ? or 
• even darting across the road when the pedestrian crossing timer is about to touch 'zero' or 
• going round in circles like Tom & Jerry during the morning school & office run on weekdays or 
• does the aerobics and dance class I've been to in my past life count ??? or 
• Would lying on the grass and gazing at the sky and cloud spotting be equal to aerobically moving my brain muscles????

If all those count - then yes I can proclaim my stake to being a 'physically active' person...

But who am I kidding here ?....I've never been fond of going to the gym or engaging in that imaginative walking & running or pretending to be on an incline on the treadmill....I wear yoga pants but not because I do or like yoga - its because I like them as they are very very comfortable to wear..I like to eat all kinds of sensible/edible/tasty/colorful food and I don't ever make the mistake of counting the calories at all - I've NEVER ever engaged in a single diet or even fasted for any thing in my entire life - in my mind - its 'just this one life' and 'living life with regrets' and 'what ifs' is not my cup of tea...(there I mentioned a drink again..:)..I'm a foodie through and through- luckily for me - my hyperactive brain metabolizes my calories & I don't put on much weight - that's my theory in any case..:)))

The point here is I really need to work on the physical fitness part- that necessary evil or taboo word - however you may call it - its still unpalatable I guess!..I'm sure many of you are just like me justifying why you are not finding the time to exercise and that life's very busy to take some time out to work out - as for me - no amount of reasoning,giving excuses of not finding time is going to cut ice with my logical brain.I can't kid myself really.I'm too insightful for that!...

I do find it very inspiring when I see all the people working out and posting status on social media like "At the gym working out"(would people go there for any other reason I don't know - anyway that's beside the point).But for me - it just stops with 'getting inspired' stage but 'not acting on it' phase.

Physical fitness is not over rated & taking an hour or even 1/2 hour out of 24 hours in a day is not too much to ask for in order to be healthy in the long run - so as I'll be telling my clients - maintain a diary,record your little achievements no matter,take one step at a time to eventually walking a mile or even a marathon..(now that marathon's a bit too much for me to even visualize right now but I'll just throw it in there - it does sound good & making me feel fit already !!)..

Now I'm off to the park with my kids to help them get their physical time whilst ...hmm errr I take a book with me to read sitting on a bench...!!!

May be I will suddenly sprint like that Kenyan athlete (who almost always wins the marathon)once TOMORROW COMES :)

What is Happiness for me ?

People often use this word - Happiness in all kinds of contexts..to me -the means or the ways to be happy is more important than the end...at the end of each day I rate it a happy day when I start a creative process(today it is my writing,the last few days it was learning/mastery of singing my favorite song,on other days it is experimenting a new recipe,designing a pencil case for my daughter,prior to that setting up our house (BTW it's our the 11th move in 13 years) and I take it to its completion.

Sometimes it's just the chance to sit,relax and do nothing but admire nature - a splendid sunset,of waves rising and falling in the beach,the rustle of dry leaves,the smell of rain(just recently I learnt that it was a type of bacteria that caused it quashing my romantic heart),a full moon adorning the night sky...(lucky for my hubby who doesn't 've to spend much to make me happy!)
On other days its a chat,a message,a hearty conversation or catching up with a long lost friend or family member whom we leave behind in our hectic journey called life..and on another day it was the nice dinner my husband made when I was sick & lying and reading a book after a long time...

Happiness is also my squeals of excitement and victory dance seeing my 2.5 year old give up his precious milk bottles for cups,his nappies for the potty,it is also pride when my daughter comes up with a board game(which she devised,colored and made herself)...at times it is just looking at my niece's baby's innocent pictures of yawning,sleeping,smiling...oh there's lots...

Have you seen the meaning of being happy in kid's dictionaries ? - it doesn't take much at all - playing in the sand,splashing water,running wildly in an open space,getting paint on their face,feet and hands,going high on the swing and just seeing and playing with other kids...it's adults who mistakenly tend to pair happiness with goals,expectations,end results and numbers and often get the equations wrong!
There might be days when I don't get even one event checked from all the above but I keep these lists in my mind (& now I've written them down too) - they do help me to tide over those mental  cobwebs and sad droughts!

So what if you missed the morning train(because you slept a bit late because of the wonderful movie you watched late into the night),the house looked a bit like a dump yard(after all those those creative pursuits),forgot to turn off the hose pipe(because I was carried away with the little tomato plants that sprouted),the neighbors might 've gone a bit deaf(due to my serial killing of the song I was practicing),the kids are looking a bit messy & needing attention(because I'm trying  to complete this post :)..- all that matters is you have fun with whatever you set out to do and  just enjoy the ride...:)

Remember Life's not a checklist and Happiness is not a Destination - its the process and not the goal :)

What irks me in Facebook and some hi-tech solutions

After being in FB for nearly 6 years,I've understood/misunderstood/used/avoided/embraced and finally adapted to the joys of online communicating with friends,family and colleagues.Without this medium,probably I wouldn't 've known what had become of my best friend from childhood or who & where my cousins are or how age catches up with everybody no matter what they eat,say or do.And not to forget,I even learn everyday something of my interest from something someone posted.Even though all that's fine there are a few pet peeves of mine which cuts into my online joy and some ways of countering that .....read on if you are interested...

WHAT IRKS ME IN FACEBOOK AND SOME HI TECH SOLUTIONS

1. If you are the 1st person to comment on a photo which gets more comments later- you are going to sorely regret your enthusiasam with the deluge of notifications that would follow (Need for 'I don't want to know what others are commenting on this'button)
2. How do I tell u I liked your likes without me having to add another comment ?? (Need for 'Like the likes' button)
3. How do I make those totally irrelevant comments & personal discussions disappear by just looking at them?(Need for 'Iris and facial expression recognition' button)
4. How do I express my thanks for your time that you took to comment on something I posted without me commenting again & taking up more of your time and your newsfeed(No 'non verbal communication' button in Facebook yet)
5. How to politely say some picture or news of mine is totally obsolete & that people can just skim thru it without saying anything so that I don't 've to say anything in return? (Timeline you are not helping the cause)
6. How do I not get tagged in a totally irrelevant,where I'm not standing in,or understanding or misunderstanding a friend's picture or post (Need for 'Blaring alarm when you tag people unnecessarily' button) - to prove a point I tagged you all :ppppp
7. How about people finish a status update instead of saying"Feeling sad".... & starting the guesswork by others asking 'Oh no what happened?''OMG are u okay???"" just spit it out or don't say it all..(Need for 'Auto fill/say it in full or it would get deleted' button or for incomplete status feed)
8. How about you not putting me on the spot by testing our friendship online by asking me to share something you did & inviting me to apps & causes you believe in (Need for'Don't u know I like you no matter what' button)
9. How to tell my online friends please only share your most relevant activity/thoughts /pictures and not every time you decide to cough,sleep or get bored(Locations and tags - you are not user friendly)
10. How to tell those FB hypocrites and stalkers who say they don't like FB but diligently follow all the newsfeed to not sign up for it altogether- who are you kidding here ????(Need for ''FB Stalker'  'FB Hypocrite' button so I don't accept their friend request in a moment of weakness ;)))
11. How to convey subtly that vacation/kids/family/friends/neighbors/pets colleagues pictures are perfectly welcome along as there are only 10 -15 pictures in it - please be mindful of the fact that human attention span is only 12 seconds!!!( Need for 'Don't u dare repeat/duplicate' button)
12. How to like only  those posts/comments/ pictures by a friend(which made me think,laugh/happy) without them feeling we've ignored them every time they post(Need for an Universal Facebook 'Feeling secure' etiquette class/button)
13. How to selectively not see the "delicious pictures of food prepared by friend/family member" in a friend's post ?(Need for "Don't rub it in" button  or "Food & restaurant pictures go invisible when I'm hungry" button)
14. How to let people know that they need to write proper sentences and not use online acronyms that I can't keep up with - the only exceptions are 'LOL','ROFL' and 'LMAO' cos I know only them.Would you like it if I came to hug you & stopped halfway cos I know you'll understand it ???Also you can message me but not 'massage me - got it???(Need for 'Say it,mean it and spell it correctly' button)
15. Why would you tell me what my friend or acquaintance liked or commented on someone else's profile -(FB you are such a gossip monger - Need for 'I don't care what others do on FB unless I want to care' button)!!!

And also finally getting more likes and comments is not indicative of a person's popularity- it just means that you know enough people who are also finding online relationship much less taxing than the ones in the real world & find it easier to communicate from behind a gadget & keep it going.You see - I don't 've to invite,be invited,dress up, cook or clean - i can just bombard you - oops sorry -just share my thoughts,feelings & pictures & keep u in the loop :)))

Mark Zuckerberg are you listening ?..

Adventure with my iPhone - till fate do us apart !!!

What a day it was yesterday.

On reaching home after my litle one's Dr appointment,I was mortified to find out that I had lost my precious iPhone. My iPhone is like my most prized possession - from checking mails,FB,listening to music,reading the news,playing games,taking countless pictures & videos of my kids,googling the world around me,creating little to do lists,finding the best price for stuff, to playing lullabies fro my kids - I do everything with this li'l device.And to realize that I've lost it,I felt as if I've lost my best friend. Even though I'm not a gadget freak,I really love how some of these little devices make our lives easier & keeps us linked with the outside world. More than anything else, it was a birthday gift from my hubby last year.I tell you that really hurt :((

           Coming back to my lost phone,I called up the Dr's clinic & asked them if it got lost in their place & they replied in the negative. Kept calling my phone number & it went straight to voicemail which meant only one thing - someone has already taken it. Amidst all that angst, I remembered that I'd set up a feature in the iPhone(that is common to all iOS devices) which would locate the device if lost as it works on GPS technology. For this we need to have installed that software & linked the devices that we use. Right when I'd gotten it, I'd the good sense to have linked my iPhone to our iPad and also set a passcode without which my phone cannot be opened. So at least whoever took it cannot see my phone's contents. This feature also allows me to remotely wipe off all data should the phone be never found. When I clicked the Find my iPhone feature on the iPad- out popped a map showing where my phone was at that time - at the drop off spot near the train staton where I'd dropped my hubby off after the Dr's visit. I remember that I'd taken off my jacket because it was warm & looks like my phone had fallen off then.

Playing detective I could see exactly where it was at that very moment in real time- but technology can only help me so much.Whether I'd still find it by the time I drove back there- was anybody's guess. It was a case of so near and yet so far :(( Even if I did find it - cos it was a drop off spot,chances are another vehicle would have run over it already !!! Informed my hubby that I'd lost the phone & that I was going to drive back to see if it was still there. All he said was "Its ok if the phone's gone but drive safely". A strange reassuring calm descended upon me.

It was already gone - all I could do was make one final attempt to see if I could find it and so I drove back to the same place. As I feared - I could see no phone when I was nearing that spot - it was just empty. I asked an elderly gentleman sitting in a bench close by if he'd seen or heard anything & he was none the wiser.Dejected and heart broken,I was walking back to the car when a worker in a big truck across the street called out to me asking if I'd lost my phone.I couldn't believe my luck & it was the sweetest moment when he came across & handed me my phone.He said that he'd almost run over it when he was backing up..Thanked him & my lucky stars & came back with a happy grin on my face.I couldn't believe that there not a single scratch on my phone even though it had taken a nasty fall onto the hard concrete road.I'm totally sold on the fact that it is made of hardened glass (more specifically aluminosilicate glass for the scientifically minded) - oh boy - some glass that was  ;))..

I'd never know if that man had meant to keep it but aleast he gave it to me when he saw me. I've always believed in the phrase- "what belongs to you will come back to you if it was meant to be"..Was it luck,was it remaining calm & focussing on solving the problem or was it brilliant technology that showed me where I should look for it or the integrity of that man who gave it back which resulted in me getting my phone back or simply an interplay of all these factors? I don't know..

So my friends if you are an iPhone user like me and reading this article - please do link your phone to another iOS device even if its on another person's phone,iPad or Macbook - u never know when u'd be playing Sherlock Holmes to locate a missing phone.Here's the link how you do it - http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/find-my-iphone/id376101648?mt=8

And remember to keep that feature turned on ;)

A forgotten memory

Have been trying put into text the myriad of emotions that go through my mind when I think of my mom.My mother as anyone who had known her in her past would tell that she has been a role model,our pillar of strength,the embodiment of many virtues that I had tried to shape my life on.I grew up thinking how did she have the mental strength to cope with all the adversity and life's challenges that were thrown at her right from the beginning.
Losing her own mother when she was hardly 7,robbed of her childhood and thrust with adult like responsibilities right from when she was young has molded her probably into a tough one.I grew up in a family where all the elders where were quite level headed and rational and logical...sometimes so logical that I could not afford the luxury of tantrums or childish behavior  My mom would always chide me for any truant behavior telling me that she'd rather that I went to school bravely and faced that test and scored zilch than sit at home with a non existent ailment and not face it at all.Here was a woman who has only studied up to the eighth standard,her ambitions for higher education cut short due to family responsibilities.All her life she has made many sacrifices just to ensure that our education did not suffer on any account.
Tragedy after tragedy,setbacks(financial,medical,personal) one after other would never dampen her optimism.She's always made us believe that we have it in us to cope no matter what and that this will too pass on...
She had many a thing that she has passed onto us-like for instance helping others without any anticipation of rewards...helping another human being unconditionally for the simple reason that she "could" which was the reward in itself..she used to go and visit this center for disabled people,sit with them and spend her free time with the residents..this was one of the main reasons why I turned to social work probably..she was also generous with her money and one of the lessons I learnt from her was that how much ever you try to hug money..it will never hug you back...she believed that the art lies in the giving and that good things will automatically come your way..

We always used to wonder how my mom with so little formal education knew how to survive,knew what resilience is and that she should just go on without quitting and had so many successful relationships with family and friends alike....her mental strength,physical energy and boundless enthusiasm for any new challenge has been a major influence on my own outlook toward life and problems in general....

Why I keep referring to all about my mom in the past tense is coz nearly a decade ago,my mom has been diagnosed as suffering from Alzheimer's disease..this is a dreadful disease where one's brain cells die quickly and there are significant problems with memory..a kind of progressive unlearning all of the skills,languages sets in and the person slowly reverts to a stage of a second childhood.Not the childhood we associate with tiny tots,they are not tinged with carefree happy moments....but a cursed one where one is in an adult body but all the actions are child like and no adult wants to "kiss and make up" for the childish acts/slip ups that occur.

Their brain is crowded with information which they can't link and retain long enough to connect the dots....i wished she had anything else except this..cos in this illness it robs the person of their personality leaving a stranger in its wake....

My mother is into the 12th year of her dreadful illness-she's turned 77-physically she's fitter than people half her age but mentally she's like my 2.5 year old son if not worse..at a loss in understanding where she is,who she is,who her family or friends are..she's just a shadow of her former self...no more the person we knew her to be whilst growing up

I'm living in the other side of the continent and the only tangible memories of her are what we carry in our mind..cos her brain does not afford her the luxury of clinging onto memories..
I'm unable to carry a normal conversation with her anymore without she asking me for the nth time who I'm or where I'm..the same questions will play out itself as in a loop and each time I put the phone down,I feel I'm losing her a little more...I wonder where my mom is-why is that I have a mother and yet I don't at the same time????

Research shows that dementia is hereditary-my grandfather had it,my mom has it and I think may be I'm already genetically loaded for this..but hey at least I've started to write whatever i remember now..who knows they may come in handy for me to reminisce when I might lose my marbles some day..It has been shown that keeping your brain active with memory games,chess,learning a new language,doing Sudoku's and crossword goes a long way in keeping the Alzheimer's demons away....so,go on,next time no one can blame you when you are deep into your sudoku or crossword !!!!

Life is like a Journey...

Do you speculate about this tremendous journey called Life,or the people who make up the journey?
I often wonder how is it that certain predestined events happen in everyone's life?
Who decides where we are born,who we associate with,who we make life long friendships with?
Is it our choice?Fate/destiny?or plain Luck..or an inexplicable interplay of all of these???

I always kind of believe that there's some road map somewhere(Don't ask me where or how)..We take it further by the choices we make consciously...We meet people,form bonds some short,some for eternity and move on.We influence others and in turn let others influence us.We carry forward memories of a joke shared,wonderful time spent together or of a few shared tears or sometimes even a bitter separation.

I've been fortunate to have had met so many people,formed relationships - some leading to lasting friendships irrespective of where they come from,what their roots are,their religious affiliations are or which parts of the globe they inherit.
I've learnt many a thing from my friends and cherish what I share with them.There are some very close friends with whom I don't 've the pressure of having to continuously keeping them"in the know" and still can go on ahead with my life.And when our paths cross again,I know that I can just pick up the threads and start of from where I left off.

With some,I like the journey through a telephone conversation and with some it is the written words that keeps the relationship going..Never know if the bond would still be the same if it was carried out live..

Then there are some where I've trusted,been let down but in hindsight realized that they were not worth keeping and hence better off without the heavy baggage imposed by such relationships.Closely coming second of the ones that I detest are those who under the guise of friends stab you from behind.Shakespeare put it succinctly in the words of Caesar when he said 'Et tu Brutus" of the people who you think are close but let u down so badly that there's no going back to that one in a long long time!!!!!!
Then there are others with whom clarification is forever necessary to keep the relationship going or else it is soon going to be doomed in misunderstandings and hurt feelings any time...It takes a lot of emotional strength to maintain these high maintenance relationships and god aren't they emotionally exhausting????
And then lastly there are those elite,close friends who are very few in number but I find the most comforting..I wonder,what would happen without these people in my life.They remind me of the quote-'Friends are the relatives you never had" ..so true..these friends I know,I can rely upon any time of the day or night.I know they'll carry my secrets to the grave....I can ask for help and know beforehand that they would help and who know that I'd bend backwards to do the same for them if the need arises...I like such relationships where I can be myself,speak what's on my mind without being judged...

We all lose some relationships-be it family members,friends,relatives.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the relationship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the" light on" 


Be civil to everyone in the least if not friendly-who knows the next person you meet might become your best friend in life.

I believe in this little poem which has been a major influence throughout my life

LIFE'S JOURNEY

Life is like a journey on a train
With two fellow travellers at each window pane
I may sit beside you all the journey thro'
Or I might sit elsewhere never knowing you.

But if Fate should mark me to sit by your side,
Lets be pleasant travellers,
Tis so short a ride!!!!

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