I realize that as you are becoming your own person, not just pretty but a 'pretty strong' young girl- being a female I see how people around you - be it friends, family or society constantly (knowingly or unknowingly) try to condition you that you are a girl/female and that you need to feel/do/talk a certain way. I have tried my best to tell you otherwise and as you are about to become a teen - here are some thoughts for you to ponder, process and practice !!
1.First and foremost- want to tell you that unlike what Indian or many cultures prefer or perpetuate- I always wanted my first born child to be a female and was delighted when I learnt about you. A girl with whom I would experience the same closeness I felt with my own mother, a girl with an independent mind and knows what she is doing, a girl who is kind and strong. So I tell you - we were ecstatic when our prayers were answered. You've been and still are a great role model for your brother and hope you continue to grow and evolve and be always beautiful from the inside!!!
2.You may not know or realize - not once in these 12 years I've asked you to do a chore or learn something because you are a female- which was a conscious effort on my part - to spare you from what I've been exposed to!! I'd 've asked or nudged you because I want you to have life skills that would enable you to survive or adapt anywhere that you would choose to be. So don't do anything because that's what girls/females are 'supposed' to do.
3.Don't follow rituals/participate in activities cos you are expected to as a female if it doesn't make sense because I'm pretty sure they are man made or woman made - a learnt behaviour which can be easily 'un made or unlearnt'. You don't have to prove anything to anyone or anybody by doing any of it.
4.Don't let anyone tell you that you need to look/dress a certain way because you are a female.Eat,sleep or exercise right in order to be healthy not to subscribe to how society thinks you ought to be. Be free to experiment with how you dress or look as long as it adds to your confidence, is safe for your body, makes you feel good about how/who you are!!
5.Don't let anyone tell you what you do or how you do things are unfeminine or not graceful - there's no such thing!!
Learn to cook, play soccer, drive, sew,be creative or change tires -just do whatever you want to do as long as you are experiencing fun, get joy out of it or learning something new.
7.Develop nurturing relationships and friendships with others (doesn't matter what language, skin colour, race or religion they come from) but rather with those who respect you, treat you right, you can learn from and be inspired-those with whom you can reciprocate all those. Never settle for less !!!
8.Call people out when others around you perpetuate gender based stereotypes particularly when you are made to be part of that stereotyping. In all the jobs I've had so far in 5 different countries - I have noticed that the top Management staff has always been females- I'm sure they didn't subscribe to these either and just believed in themselves to get to where they are.
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| 'Fairy tale retold' assignment |
I felt so proud when in grade 5 - you had a different take on Rapunzel for your 'Fairy tale retold' classroom assignment. She was not in the ivory tower but rather outside fighting off the evil people. She didn't have long hair but a short, colorful chic hairstyle you conceived for her.
You just GO GIRL -just dream and work hard -the sky or should I say 'space' is your limit!!
10.Lastly don't forget about self care because girls/females/women tend to put others needs,wants,desires ahead of theirs most of the time coupled with feeling guilty for taking care of oneself. This is a lesson I have learnt (still learning) pretty late in life but I'd rather you didn't. It is wonderful to be kind, caring and compassionate to others but be sure to be those to yourself as well!!!
Lots of love,hugs,kisses and pride!
Mom
