ARE YOU FILLING OR DIPPING?

Are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper?

For those unfamiliar with the terms - simply put - it is the concept taught to kids at school that we all carry invisible buckets of feelings. When we use our dipper to fill another person's bucket - which may be a kind word or gesture- we set about enhancing not only the other person's sense of worth but also fill our own buckets. On the other hand, a person with an empty or half filled bucket may use the dipper to dip into some one else's bucket which maybe saying unkind, hurtful or mean things. This may not only decrease the other person's positive emotions but also diminishes ourselves.
Sounds simple to understand but how many of us pause to think or reflect about how after every interaction with another human being be it in your personal or professional space or even with members of society at large if we have filled or dipped into someone's bucket????
 
In my professional world, when working with caregivers of people living with dementia- we reiterate how 'emotional awareness' is a persisting asset till the end. The emphasis for caregivers is that people with dementia may forget the words that was said to them but may remember 'how they were made to feel'. And so how important it was to be mindful of every interaction they had with their loved ones with dementia, to be aware of how and what they communicated and what feelings it engendered in the person living with dementia.
So brain disease or not- it's not hard to fathom why human beings tend to latch on to feelings that arise out of either a pleasant or unpleasant interaction with others they interact with long after the incident is over.
It's fascinating how human brains are like a Velcro for negative memories and like a non stick or Teflon for positive memories.
The underlying need of every human being is to be accepted, liked or even better loved by others.

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When we like the person we are interacting with, bucket filling happens effortlessly. It's when we are in disagreement with another individual that we tend to dip intentionally or unintentionally.
We need to be mindful of most (if not all)interactions we have with another person as to what are the feelings we are leaving the other person with because of what we said or did. Even 'not communicating' is a response too and we may have different reasons why we may do it - be it to establish boundaries or fiercely guard our personal space. But at times it might be a message that the other person doesn't matter much or you can take them for granted.

How long do we think we are going to  be walking on this earth? Not long- the sooner we get that, the easier it is to be more compassionate to each other. If we cannot add to someone's bucket we must be cognizant of at least not depleting their buckets. Just like a full bucket gives us strength and confidence and hope, an empty bucket saps us of our energy and undermines our will.

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So, everyday we are faced with a choice- we can fill buckets or dip - an important choice that profoundly affects our outlook,our choices and relationships- so choose wisely!!!


If you can't fill -don't dip!!